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Excerpt from Old Scripts: 1

SUPER CREATURES PART 2

Radio Alabama 1928

Bungling Vigilantes in Capes from the Jungle gone terribly wrong.

PART TWO

Baines Rigbee Smith: You're tuned to Radio Alabama 1928. I am Baines Rigbee Smith. With me in the studio is the one and only DJ Toothpaste, flying in and doing an expert job for DJ Moth, off on his hols with his family. We hope he has a good time. Hot topics, very much, the topic of the hour and indeed today and maybe the weekend maybe the month, who knows?! Perhaps even the year! The Super Elephant and the Super Giraffe. These vigilantes doing some good people say, attempting to fight crime, but more often than not, really making a disastrous job of it. Gordon Brown has been discussing the actions of these vigilantes in parliament this afternoon. I understand since the unfortunate demise of the children that Super Elephant was recently attempting to rescue, there have been strong motions for these two guys to be outlawed and indeed to be brought to justice. And we can now go over live to Westminster Bridge, where our reporter Katie Smith is there and she's been listening to Gordon Brown. What has the prime minister had to say, Katie?

Katie Smith(lol to the voice): Well yes, the thing about what has happened here is that something is quite seriously going to happen. We are told by Gordon Brown because he has just had enough of people talking about the elephant, when they should be talking about the economy. So what he's going to say we think, we think, we can't be certain, the sources close to the sources that are close to the sources close to the prime minsteris has suggested and said that there will indeed be issued statements to the effect from parliament that Super Elephant and Super Giraffe must cease all attempts to fight crime without the oficicisadjioqwhfd of the lovable and hand themselves in for police inquireeees.

DJ Toothpaste: That is indeed a fact. Other facts we can look at, generally today, is that we have recently learnt that Gordon Brown was also for some time considering blaming the recession on Super Elephant and Super Giraffe. In a way to get the public so that every time they they they were poor or couldn't afford what they wanted, they blame those guys, and to some degree rightly so, for doing harm, good, stroke evil kindness in a sorta mixed up way that makes you think well maybe the world is upside down we are all just hanging on to the planet by gravity. Which technically isn't too far from the truth, for those of them in Australia. Up in the Northern Hemisphere we are actually standing on top of the planet. But that also depends on where you put our planet on the whole spiral on the Milky Way. But that's a different story for a different time. What we are really dealing with here is the invasion of British society by, clearly these guys are immigrants. There not from here are they? They are not from England. So how did they get in? That's what we gotta ask ourselves. These guys are obviously, when they are not being superheroes LIVING in the community WORKING in the communities but no body spotted these guys, I mean, an eighteen foot giraffe and a four thousand pound elephant?!?! I mean who's not going to spot that if you're sat on the tube! So I ask you this, WHERE are these guys? WHAT are they doing? WHO shoot them with passports and when are we going to get them out? I mean clearly they are illegal immigrants probably of African decent as definitely Super Elephant is an Africanised elephant. You can tell by the big ears, the Indian elephants tend to have smaller ears and more hair on their backs. That's a fact. You can still walk on them, which is a crazy thing to do on animal. So we've got to ask ourselves some really hard questions guys. So we suspend, do we sustain all actions to hunt these guys down? Or let them live in peace as long as they agree not to save anybody. Or do we just exterminate them? Until the next super animal crops up. And that could be Super Praying Mantis. That could be Super Bear. Super Bear that does nothing super other than go through your bins looking for food. But it FLIES over your fence! THAT is the problem. That is the problem, you know? If you alloooow Super Elephant and Super Giraffe to be, what are you going to do when Super Praying Mantis turns up on your door? What are you going to do when Super Blue Whale turns up on your door CRRR your whole house is gone!! (I gosh I actually can't stop laughing!!!) WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN SUPER MOON ARIVES?!?!?! Crrrrrrrrr the whole world is destroyed! That is, we have to nip this in the bud, cause when Super Flower opens and super POLLEN hits you get super, SUPER hay fever and that, THAT is what we are truly fighting for. ]

Baines Rigbee Smith: Thank you very much DJ Toothpaste. Some firm opinions there. On the line now we have Derek from Sheffield. Derek, I understand you have had some first hand information on the whereabouts of Super Giraffe.

Derek: Well that's right, yes I heard, I heard from my mate Dick, who lives in, well who lives above the pub. I heard that his nephew's sister, her boyfriend's uncle, they live and work in the commute, in the Commuta Belt down near London in Welling Garden City. That sorta area. And apparently the bloke that her uncle was sitting next to says that he has seen someone who looks very much like Super Giraffe on the train with a little pair of spectacles and a business type suit, reading “The Metro”. I dunno if it's true.

DJ Toothpaste: Nor do we. Nor do we. Thanks very much indeed for your call. Going straight to the lines. Another person from Yorkshire. We got Dave. Hi Dave, how you doing?

Dave: ohyeahI'mnotbadmatehowareyou?

DJ Toothpaste: Yeah I'm not bad at all thanks very much for asking. You say you have information on who exactly Super Giraffe is.

Dave: I do. Super Giraffe plays in my son's basket ball team in Logo High School in Change.

Toothpaste: Are you sure you are talking about Super Giraffe?

Dave: Aye the lad's GINORMOUS! He's about, 5ft 7.

Toothpaste: Ah well Super Giraffe is indeed over 18 feet tall. Does this sound like your man?

Dave: Noooo. No it doesn't.

Toothpaste: So we are just going to conclude that is not Super Giraffe.

Dave: You can jump to your own conclusion I've made no conclusion before I phoned up the radio show...

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